Philautia to Philia and Eros

When you meet yourself, allow yourself, spend time to know yourself, forgive yourself, and love yourself, that's when you can be your fullest and true self in relation to others.

Self Love is Philautia and comes when you have a healthy self-compassion. It is when you respect and accept yourself unconditionally.

It is vital to learn the “Art of Self Love” but to truly and authentically do this most of us need to learn how not to get distracted by the inner critic and dialogue of not being good enough, not being beautiful enough, not being enough of anything enough! When you’re doing this take notice and simply acknowledge you're doing it.

You can say to yourself “ahh that’s interesting” and then carry on with whatever you’re doing. This acts as a flag to your unconscious thoughts and it means that you are beginning to become conscious. When we are conscious of something we then have the footing and wherewithal to challenge it and change it.

It is not being self-absorbed and selfish to learn about your patterns and try to change. It is not selfish to give yourself time and attention to grow, feel nurtured and listened too. This is the number one rule in Philautia - the art of self love and knowing thy self.

There is amazing power in learning how to “date yourself” . It is an extraordinary rite of passage.

Where would you like to walk this weekend? What sort of book or film would you like to relax with? How would you cook for yourself? When we turn romantic love, which is for others, back onto ourselves we can easily see how limited we are with out own self love and then in seeing the gap look to develop ways of loving the self more

If you are struggling to love yourself and to be on your own, perhaps ask yourself these things and begin to be more present in relationship with yourself. Be inspired by the romantic love that is so embracing, welcoming, nurturing, patient and attentive, and know that you deserve this for yourself. In fact in loving yourself this way you will be learning the art of all loving and be developing skills for being a wonderful partner and friend to others in the future. This is Philia - The longlasting friendship that is open and trusting. Where we can be intimately close through sharing vulnerabilities, memories, and imperfections.

Paradoxically-

… it sometimes takes letting someone into your heart, allowing them to show you love and kindness, to melt the barriers within yourself away. There are n hard and fast rules to learning more about love and loving - it is a doing word after all!

Like in the film Garden State, when the girl (played by Natalie Portman) thinks she needs to go away and "mend herself" before she can be in a relationship with the man who loves her. It's a wonderful example of releasing control, as she softens and allows the love of someone else, who already loves her, be part of her healing.

Sometimes trusting to let others love you is a big step towards self love!

People see your power and potential when all you see are your faults. Friends and loved ones see your patience and kindness when all you might see are your flaws and impatience.

We are all mirrorballs and reflect back qualities to each other. So make sure you have good mirrors, i.e good friends and partners reflecting back to you. Being with these people should allow you to feel accepted for who you are, who boost your life, encourage you and believe in you. Who simply enjoy being in your company. We are more than our physical body, our goals, conversations and jobs, we are energy, we are felt, we are soul in motion.

Dont let others keep you small or framed within their own compressed one dimensional, restricted map of you. This is hard when its family but remember to learn the art of boundary building and be truthful with yourself when you feel hurt by others. Keep your contact with those who doubt you and put you down, to a minimum.. Trust your intuition. Trust your feelings. Know that it isn’t always necessary t block people or not see them you can also accept that people are different and what is right for someone might not be right for you. Keep checking in to your inner guage.

The human body, mind and soul are continually growing, expanding, reforming and transforming.
We literally grow a new heart every 15 years, cells die and new ones grow all the time. Our body regenerates physically and so it is emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
So never give up. Keep trying, loving accepting and forgiving.
Feel grateful for "you" and those showing you love everyday! This includes ctas, chickens, dogs and birds who chirp at you in the street.